Sirasa Super Star - Saturday Show Format

As I incredulously watched Kamal announce how Malith Perera's absence will be filled in by replaying two of his previous renditions of songs which were in no way relevant for the theme of Saturday night's show (Appreciating One's Mother), I realised that Dear Kamal follows the same stale repetitive dialog every single weekend and shows no signs of changing it. So I have compiled a format for the show (taking Saturday and Sunday separately and translated rather loosely, I admit)

Kamal standing in the center of a very brightly lit stage with the contestants behind him or flanking him: Welcome to Sirasa Super Star where YOU the PUBLIC decides who is going to be the winner!! Here we have with us the ever dwindling number of singers who are going to perform tonight on <insert whatever theme is relevant> and they will be accompanied by the band <goes on to introduce the band members> and then we have with us as judges <goes on to introduce the judges>

Cut to a series of ads and other stuff which take no less than three to four minutes

Kamal is now inside another brightly lit room except there are two seats on either side of him, occupied by two of the contestants and there are a few dozen chairs filled with members of the audience. Who these people are and how they got invited is anybody's guess but I believe the majority of them are friends and relatives of the singers. Some are carrying banners and posters and what not but they seem to be taking everything very seriously.

Kamal: So contestant X, are you ready to go out?
Contestant: Yes, yes I am.

Kamal: So what kind of song are you going to sing today?
Contestant: I am going to sing <insert song title> today.

Kamal: So why did you pick this song? Why did you find it so appealing? How does it suit your voice? Does it mean anything to do you a personal level? What does your girlfriend think about it? What does yer momma think about it? Who are you thinking about when you sing it? Is there someone special you are singing it to?
Contestant then answers with a series of vague yes's and no's and the occasional blush and shy smile.

Kamal: So alright then, I think I have said all about I could say to waste at least three more minutes of our viewer's precious time, you can go do your stuff now....

Contestant one leaves the room amid applause from the audience

Cut to the band starting up the music and the singer performing.

Cut to a shot of the audience clapping wildly and waving their banners as soon as the song winds down.

Cut to the singer facing the panel of esteemed judges.

The panel of esteemed judges always says the same thing to almost all the singers. They have a standard set of comments:

(a) You have a nice voice
(b) You have a nice deep masculine voice (registered as a trademark to describe Amila Perera's voice)
(c) You sang it in your own unique style without affecting the quality of the song
(d) You pronounce all the svara (sp?) correctly
(e) You must take care to pronounce certain words a bit better but other than that, you did a good job
(f) You should use the stage more often
(g) You make wonderful use of the stage (registered as a trademark to describe Shihan Mihiranga moving his legs and shaking his ass)
(h) You did a great justice to the original song (the grammar sounds a little off but that's what is said anyway)
(i) You have a long way to go in this competition
(j) I wish you all the best
(k) I'm sure your fans will send you into the next round
(l) Sri Lanka needs young singers like you
(m) You have a great future ahead of you

Cut to a scene consisting of a few minutes during which the contestant gets to hear a few of the above comments from each of the three judges. He adds a "Thank you" at the end of each judge's appraisal and then walks off.

Cut to the contestant walking back into the room where he will face another painfully boring minute with Kamal.

Kamal decides to show off his own vocal abilities a little by singing a few lines of the song just performed whilst the contestant pretends he's glad to see Kamal again.

Kamal: I think you did very well and you will receive a wonderful response from your fans. What would you like to say to your fans at this point?
Contestant: I would like to thank my fans for taking the time and effort to spend ridiculously high amounts of money to vote for me. I can't even begin to tell you how grateful I am to all of you. Thank you for writing to me and calling me as well. Your support means a lot to me. You can brought me so far in this competition and I hope you will send me to the next round.

Kamal: Ok, here are the numbers for you to vote for Contestant X. You can send an SMS to 7788 by typing STV X - please note I am not going to mention that sending an SMS to this number will cost you ten rupees which is five times the standard rate because then you might have seconds thoughts and Sirasa will not make any money out of this. You can also send an SMS to 114-93700X by typing STV X - here again, please note that I am not going to mention that this number isn't in use and none of the SMS votes you send to this will be delivered, let alone counted. Finally, you can also dial 114-620062 and vote by pressing X and then the # button. This is the only number that doesn't seem to have a problem but good luck getting a ringing tone!!

Kamal then moves on to the remaining contestants and they all go through the same rigmarole described above.

Cut to the final scene where Kamal is back on the brightly lit stage surrounded by the contestants.

Kamal: That's the end of today's show. You have seen the contestants sing and it's all up to you now because you have to vote. One of these guys will be kicked off tomorrow - join us tomorrow for the results."

<Credits start to roll and the show is over and out>

Ok, this post turned out way longer than I expected. The Sunday Results Show Format will be posted later on.