Dear Santa I wud lik a kool toy spase ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud
boy all yeer.
Yer Frend,
BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I
send you a frigging book called a dictionary, so you can learn to read
and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE
can spell .
Santa
------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is Peace
and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
Mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your
frigid mom, who rides his a** constantly? It's time to give up that
dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa
------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when
riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor?
Leave me a bottle of scotch.
Santa
------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE
PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy
Timmy,
That whiney begging sh** may work with your folks, but that crap
doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa
------------------------------------------------------------------
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our house?
Love, Marky
Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your
a** whipped at school.
Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment
complex.
Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through
your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
When I am Alone in the Office.....
I wonder...
1) Why don't Dominoe's and Pizza Hut have a better selection for vegetarians? How much Simply Veg and Mexican Veg pizza could a person eat over and over again? Who is the genius who came up with Spicy Veg pizza? Chick peas and beans do not belong on pizza crust, dammit!!
2) Why do pastry shops (Fab, Sponge) sell rich cake with only 1mm of almond icing? If I had the patience, I could ground some cashew with icing sugar, add some almond flavour and ice the cake myself.
3) How can so many kids (age 16 and under) afford the latest mobile phones? The new models cost Rs. 50,000 (USD 500) and more. When I was sixteen, I had to save all my pennies just to upgrade my computer for a mere Rs. 10,000.
4) Why are main roads in Colombo and its suburbs invaded by security forces each time a Member of Parliament decides to go shopping or to pray or whatever? Do their needs to buy potatoes or receive divine blessings supersede ours?
5) Why do people who claim to be "crazy about kids" balk when invited to visit an orphanage?
6) Do spammers have lives?
7) Why do people who do not have to wear prescription contact lenses use colored ones?
8) Exactly how safe is it to invite a door-to-door salesman into your home, especially when you know he has two bags of knives? I know people who fling open their doors and welcome these men who carry an impressive collection of knives in plain sight. I could never do that - somehow I feel more comfortable buying knives in a store. Maybe it's because I've been watching CSI for so many years
I wish.....
1) I had requested leave on Friday and Thursday like the rest of my colleagues.
2) I had smuggled my TV into office yesterday (Monday)
3) Coldplay had done a better job on X:Y - it's so mediocre (and one of two CDs in the office right now)
4) I get more pieces of Christmas cake by Wednesday because I get hungry every now and then and all I can get delivered to my office is pizza (see above)
5) Chocolate coated almonds were easily obtainable in Colombo
6) Movies like King Kong, The Chronicles of Narnia and Munich are screened at either Savoy or Majestic Cinema.
7) I win the SLT quiz thingy - those Sony VAIO notebooks are hot!!
8) I can find The Chronicles of Narnia amongst my old and extremely dusty collection of books before I watch the movie.
9) I had more single friends - the married ones are so boringly normal they drive me nuts.
10) The next one hour would just fly by so I can go home and watch some DVDs
1) Why don't Dominoe's and Pizza Hut have a better selection for vegetarians? How much Simply Veg and Mexican Veg pizza could a person eat over and over again? Who is the genius who came up with Spicy Veg pizza? Chick peas and beans do not belong on pizza crust, dammit!!
2) Why do pastry shops (Fab, Sponge) sell rich cake with only 1mm of almond icing? If I had the patience, I could ground some cashew with icing sugar, add some almond flavour and ice the cake myself.
3) How can so many kids (age 16 and under) afford the latest mobile phones? The new models cost Rs. 50,000 (USD 500) and more. When I was sixteen, I had to save all my pennies just to upgrade my computer for a mere Rs. 10,000.
4) Why are main roads in Colombo and its suburbs invaded by security forces each time a Member of Parliament decides to go shopping or to pray or whatever? Do their needs to buy potatoes or receive divine blessings supersede ours?
5) Why do people who claim to be "crazy about kids" balk when invited to visit an orphanage?
6) Do spammers have lives?
7) Why do people who do not have to wear prescription contact lenses use colored ones?
8) Exactly how safe is it to invite a door-to-door salesman into your home, especially when you know he has two bags of knives? I know people who fling open their doors and welcome these men who carry an impressive collection of knives in plain sight. I could never do that - somehow I feel more comfortable buying knives in a store. Maybe it's because I've been watching CSI for so many years
I wish.....
1) I had requested leave on Friday and Thursday like the rest of my colleagues.
2) I had smuggled my TV into office yesterday (Monday)
3) Coldplay had done a better job on X:Y - it's so mediocre (and one of two CDs in the office right now)
4) I get more pieces of Christmas cake by Wednesday because I get hungry every now and then and all I can get delivered to my office is pizza (see above)
5) Chocolate coated almonds were easily obtainable in Colombo
6) Movies like King Kong, The Chronicles of Narnia and Munich are screened at either Savoy or Majestic Cinema.
7) I win the SLT quiz thingy - those Sony VAIO notebooks are hot!!
8) I can find The Chronicles of Narnia amongst my old and extremely dusty collection of books before I watch the movie.
9) I had more single friends - the married ones are so boringly normal they drive me nuts.
10) The next one hour would just fly by so I can go home and watch some DVDs
Secrets to Living Well
The following article is from CNN
(CNN) -- We asked readers to share their secrets for living well and received many wonderful tales. Whether it's using your mind to cure what ails you or just making sure to laugh and smile -- you'll find some ideas that might help see you through the decades. Here is a sampling of responses, some of which have been edited for clarity and length.
Mind over body
I always use my mind to control my body. I have had AIDS since November 1993. I always picture in my mind a scene of me running a marathon or climbing a high mountain. I figure if you can give yourself a heart attack with worry and stress then you must be able to reverse it also using the same mind. Your life and health is a reflection of what you are thinking, including the subconscious mind. So always think positive thoughts of a healthy life and almost by magic your body will respond accordingly. Try it! What have you got to lose except some hefty medical bills!
Jerry Avila, Dallas, Texas
Live and let live. Disapproving of the choices that others make will drain your vitality. Develop friendships with kind, fun-loving people of all ages. Rescue stray animals. Go out of your way to be kind to other humans. Making life easier for others will make your life richer and more meaningful.
Teresa Thomason, Athens, Georgia
I'm 56 and look and feel like I'm in my mid-40s. My secret, I believe, is good genes for one, drink lots of water, exercise and think young. That doesn't necessarily mean dress inappropriately for your age, but to keep your mind active, stay in tune to what is going on in the world and try to stay as "flexible" as possible in mind and body.
HB, Oceanside, California
I'm 84 and can't believe it. I sustained a spinal cord injury in 1989 and, while I lost mobility, I gained insight into what's important in life. My appreciation of my mental acumen and to appreciate the physical functions I still have. Family and good friends loom very big, AND MY COMPUTER.
Beatrice Rosenberg, Shrewsbury, New Jersey
All things in balance
Life is like a seesaw: when one end is weighted down with negative circumstances, it must be balanced with happiness. Do whatever it is that brings you joy. I write, read, and, at the moment, sew quilts. The many colors and the creative high it gives me is a good balance for whatever negatives life may bring me.
Johanna Brewer, Sherman, Texas
Fad diets are never the way to go in order to maintain a healthy weight and overall health. All types of food and even desserts in moderation are the only way to go. After all, a little fat in the diet helps people digest meals better. It's the way our bodies were intended to be run. Exercise should be fun and rewarding as well as a good stress reliever. But above all, a positive mental attitude, enthusiasm, and perseverance in everything you do are the key to good health and a good life!
Alison Hall, McLean, Virginia
I think to live well we must have balance in our lives. Positive energy should be created from faith, daily self-introspection, and good nutritional and fitness habits. Practiced on a daily basis, we can continue to feel good about ourselves; thus giving us zeal to live a long, healthy life.
John Harrison, Scranton, Pennsylvania
Avoiding stress
The secret is to get up early, do some form of exercise, running preferred, and free your life of stress...stress is the killer. And stay away from Big Macs and Whoppers.
Stephen Swafford, North Lauderdale, Florida
In our pursuit to find the answers to all our problems in science we forget that a lot of things are, in fact, in our control.
I was suffering from a stomach ailment for a very long time and the high flying doctor that I used to consult put me on all kinds of medicines for a year. Finally I got fed up and consulted another doctor, who ran a couple of tests and said that there was no way medicines could solve my problems and asked me to work on ways to reduce stress. Over a period of time I worked on reducing my stress levels and noticed that it did make a difference.
Sinosh Nair, Mumbai, India
Just good advice
-Walk instead of driving.
-Take the stairs instead of the escalator.
-Drink tea instead of coffee.
-Drink wine instead of beer.
-Stretch while waiting in line.
Kathleen, Montreal, Quebec
An enjoyable job, a loving wife and weekly sex.
John Percival, Phoenix, Arizona
Never smoke. Drink only moderately. Keep working, read as much as you can. Laugh a lot, and don't take yourself so seriously. Make young friends and marry a younger man!! He'll keep you in shape, one way or another!!
F. Pollard, Peoria, Illinois
Water is the key
I haven't been sick in years and I believe it's due to the fact that I drink more water. Drink plain water -- not sodas, sweet juices or flavored drinks -- just plain water. Not very many people know that when you are thirsty, that is the point you are dehydrated. You should never feel thirst to stay healthy. I've been doing it for years and now am proud to say I've avoided getting colds, the flu or other illness at my ripe old age of 52. If you drink coffee, make sure you drink a glass of water before and another one about one hour later.
Ana Calderon, Montebello, California
Keeping a good sense of humor
I walk three miles almost every day on gently rolling slopes in my neighborhood with a group of friends who have a terrific sense of humor. Besides the humor, we counsel one another and gossip. It's called Walk Talk and nothing leaves the walk. It takes about an hour and then we disperse for the day. I wouldn't miss the camaraderie for anything. Lucille, Wimberley, Texas
My secret for a healthier and happy life is to not take life so seriously. Try to stay in a relaxed and happy mood. Smile and laugh as much as you can. Trust me, it will work!
Adriana Ramirez, Rosemead, California
My advice for living well is to laugh often (deep belly laughs)! Engage in regular exercise that is enjoyable, not tedious (I bike, rollerblade, ski, do yoga, and spin class) at least 5-6 days a week. Eat well, but in moderation. Learn something new whenever you can. Travel and see the world. Have at least one cat. Stay out of the sun and take your vitamins. Have a few good friends that you can talk about anything with. Love your children and your partner with your whole heart.
Susan Miller, Warwick, New York
I don't sleep for two or three days straight and instead read hundreds of pages of law casebooks. Then, instead of walking every day, I drive four blocks to the law building, where I drink a cup of coffee and have Pop-Tarts (which are highly valued for their antioxidant qualities). Then...oh, wait. Did you say, "living well?" I'm a 27-year-old law student. I don't know anything about living well. Sorry to bother everyone. Carry on.
Tyler, Iowa City, Iowa
(CNN) -- We asked readers to share their secrets for living well and received many wonderful tales. Whether it's using your mind to cure what ails you or just making sure to laugh and smile -- you'll find some ideas that might help see you through the decades. Here is a sampling of responses, some of which have been edited for clarity and length.
Mind over body
I always use my mind to control my body. I have had AIDS since November 1993. I always picture in my mind a scene of me running a marathon or climbing a high mountain. I figure if you can give yourself a heart attack with worry and stress then you must be able to reverse it also using the same mind. Your life and health is a reflection of what you are thinking, including the subconscious mind. So always think positive thoughts of a healthy life and almost by magic your body will respond accordingly. Try it! What have you got to lose except some hefty medical bills!
Jerry Avila, Dallas, Texas
Live and let live. Disapproving of the choices that others make will drain your vitality. Develop friendships with kind, fun-loving people of all ages. Rescue stray animals. Go out of your way to be kind to other humans. Making life easier for others will make your life richer and more meaningful.
Teresa Thomason, Athens, Georgia
I'm 56 and look and feel like I'm in my mid-40s. My secret, I believe, is good genes for one, drink lots of water, exercise and think young. That doesn't necessarily mean dress inappropriately for your age, but to keep your mind active, stay in tune to what is going on in the world and try to stay as "flexible" as possible in mind and body.
HB, Oceanside, California
I'm 84 and can't believe it. I sustained a spinal cord injury in 1989 and, while I lost mobility, I gained insight into what's important in life. My appreciation of my mental acumen and to appreciate the physical functions I still have. Family and good friends loom very big, AND MY COMPUTER.
Beatrice Rosenberg, Shrewsbury, New Jersey
All things in balance
Life is like a seesaw: when one end is weighted down with negative circumstances, it must be balanced with happiness. Do whatever it is that brings you joy. I write, read, and, at the moment, sew quilts. The many colors and the creative high it gives me is a good balance for whatever negatives life may bring me.
Johanna Brewer, Sherman, Texas
Fad diets are never the way to go in order to maintain a healthy weight and overall health. All types of food and even desserts in moderation are the only way to go. After all, a little fat in the diet helps people digest meals better. It's the way our bodies were intended to be run. Exercise should be fun and rewarding as well as a good stress reliever. But above all, a positive mental attitude, enthusiasm, and perseverance in everything you do are the key to good health and a good life!
Alison Hall, McLean, Virginia
I think to live well we must have balance in our lives. Positive energy should be created from faith, daily self-introspection, and good nutritional and fitness habits. Practiced on a daily basis, we can continue to feel good about ourselves; thus giving us zeal to live a long, healthy life.
John Harrison, Scranton, Pennsylvania
Avoiding stress
The secret is to get up early, do some form of exercise, running preferred, and free your life of stress...stress is the killer. And stay away from Big Macs and Whoppers.
Stephen Swafford, North Lauderdale, Florida
In our pursuit to find the answers to all our problems in science we forget that a lot of things are, in fact, in our control.
I was suffering from a stomach ailment for a very long time and the high flying doctor that I used to consult put me on all kinds of medicines for a year. Finally I got fed up and consulted another doctor, who ran a couple of tests and said that there was no way medicines could solve my problems and asked me to work on ways to reduce stress. Over a period of time I worked on reducing my stress levels and noticed that it did make a difference.
Sinosh Nair, Mumbai, India
Just good advice
-Walk instead of driving.
-Take the stairs instead of the escalator.
-Drink tea instead of coffee.
-Drink wine instead of beer.
-Stretch while waiting in line.
Kathleen, Montreal, Quebec
An enjoyable job, a loving wife and weekly sex.
John Percival, Phoenix, Arizona
Never smoke. Drink only moderately. Keep working, read as much as you can. Laugh a lot, and don't take yourself so seriously. Make young friends and marry a younger man!! He'll keep you in shape, one way or another!!
F. Pollard, Peoria, Illinois
Water is the key
I haven't been sick in years and I believe it's due to the fact that I drink more water. Drink plain water -- not sodas, sweet juices or flavored drinks -- just plain water. Not very many people know that when you are thirsty, that is the point you are dehydrated. You should never feel thirst to stay healthy. I've been doing it for years and now am proud to say I've avoided getting colds, the flu or other illness at my ripe old age of 52. If you drink coffee, make sure you drink a glass of water before and another one about one hour later.
Ana Calderon, Montebello, California
Keeping a good sense of humor
I walk three miles almost every day on gently rolling slopes in my neighborhood with a group of friends who have a terrific sense of humor. Besides the humor, we counsel one another and gossip. It's called Walk Talk and nothing leaves the walk. It takes about an hour and then we disperse for the day. I wouldn't miss the camaraderie for anything. Lucille, Wimberley, Texas
My secret for a healthier and happy life is to not take life so seriously. Try to stay in a relaxed and happy mood. Smile and laugh as much as you can. Trust me, it will work!
Adriana Ramirez, Rosemead, California
My advice for living well is to laugh often (deep belly laughs)! Engage in regular exercise that is enjoyable, not tedious (I bike, rollerblade, ski, do yoga, and spin class) at least 5-6 days a week. Eat well, but in moderation. Learn something new whenever you can. Travel and see the world. Have at least one cat. Stay out of the sun and take your vitamins. Have a few good friends that you can talk about anything with. Love your children and your partner with your whole heart.
Susan Miller, Warwick, New York
I don't sleep for two or three days straight and instead read hundreds of pages of law casebooks. Then, instead of walking every day, I drive four blocks to the law building, where I drink a cup of coffee and have Pop-Tarts (which are highly valued for their antioxidant qualities). Then...oh, wait. Did you say, "living well?" I'm a 27-year-old law student. I don't know anything about living well. Sorry to bother everyone. Carry on.
Tyler, Iowa City, Iowa
Friday, December 02, 2005
The Superficial.Com - TomKat
According to a post at The Superficial, TomKat are getting married next year, based on what Tom told Barbara Walters: "I do not have a film after Mission Impossible and that is a good time to get married." The writer's comments are a must read.
The Week That Was November 28th - December 2nd, 2005
I got some early Christmas gifts - Firefly and Queer as Folk DVDs and spent the last weekend busting my eyeballs watching every single episode of both. I couldn't see where I was going by Monday morning but managed to stagger into my office, looking quite stoned. Of course, I was alcohol-free but certainly didn't look it. Needed at least four cups of very strong coffee to make it through the e-mails and a couple of meetings. I need a detox this weekend for sure. I have been reading about juice fasting (for three days) and how it cleans up "the system". I have never tried out a liquid-only diet ever in my life, and with my constant running about, I don't know how long I was last by drinking lime, orange and mango juice alone. So I am going to start by one day at a time. Saturday is going to be Juice Day for me - and I am going to be very brave and try some spinach and celery juice as well.
Shopping at Odel turned out to be boring. There were so many people doing absolutely nothing but walking around, it was difficult to even walk up the stairs/elevator - hate it when that happens!! There were lights and other bling bling stuff all over the place - nice but nothing special. I'm going to pop by during office hours next week to avoid the crowds. I am so not a people person.....At least I got some decent t-shirts for myself. I keep a couple in the office as well, since I prefer to wear casual stuff when I don't have to meet with clients. Whoever deemed western office wear as mandatory for Sri Lankan offices deserves to be assigned to work in a cubby hole with no air conditioning and ventilation for a couple of months. I'm sure their minds will change, eventually....
Stopped by Cravings twice this week. I had Rum Fudge Slices, a Fruit Tart and an Eclair. All were nice and very reasonably priced. I wonder how Delifrance and Barista (which still has the best cappuccino in town) are going to compete with the prices of the new local pastry shops. At Deli, a veggie sandwich in a croissant costs a whopping Rs.225 odd rupees and a watermelon juice is around Rs.100. Roots has a better selection of fruit juices (very generous portions too) at much less (around Rs 40 - 80).
Coming back to DVDs, the one I am really lusting for is CSI: Season 5 - it has an ETA of December 20th. Until then, I have to make do with AXN's CSI Sunday marathon. I have developed a liking for Numb3rs - I like the interaction between the two brothers (one an FBI agent and the other a math whiz). The second most anticipated DVD is the first season of LOST. While the beefed up Matthew Fox is very impressive, I like watching Terry O'Quinn (terribly underused in the now-more-than-ever deteriorating ALIAS) showing off his acting chops.
Shopping at Odel turned out to be boring. There were so many people doing absolutely nothing but walking around, it was difficult to even walk up the stairs/elevator - hate it when that happens!! There were lights and other bling bling stuff all over the place - nice but nothing special. I'm going to pop by during office hours next week to avoid the crowds. I am so not a people person.....At least I got some decent t-shirts for myself. I keep a couple in the office as well, since I prefer to wear casual stuff when I don't have to meet with clients. Whoever deemed western office wear as mandatory for Sri Lankan offices deserves to be assigned to work in a cubby hole with no air conditioning and ventilation for a couple of months. I'm sure their minds will change, eventually....
Stopped by Cravings twice this week. I had Rum Fudge Slices, a Fruit Tart and an Eclair. All were nice and very reasonably priced. I wonder how Delifrance and Barista (which still has the best cappuccino in town) are going to compete with the prices of the new local pastry shops. At Deli, a veggie sandwich in a croissant costs a whopping Rs.225 odd rupees and a watermelon juice is around Rs.100. Roots has a better selection of fruit juices (very generous portions too) at much less (around Rs 40 - 80).
Coming back to DVDs, the one I am really lusting for is CSI: Season 5 - it has an ETA of December 20th. Until then, I have to make do with AXN's CSI Sunday marathon. I have developed a liking for Numb3rs - I like the interaction between the two brothers (one an FBI agent and the other a math whiz). The second most anticipated DVD is the first season of LOST. While the beefed up Matthew Fox is very impressive, I like watching Terry O'Quinn (terribly underused in the now-more-than-ever deteriorating ALIAS) showing off his acting chops.
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