Monday, May 29, 2006

Fifteen Things You Didn't Know About The Da Vinci Code

There was some noise about the Sri Lankan president banning The Da Vinci Code movie (rather weird, considering the book has been available in the country soon after it was released in 2003/04) without the Censor Board's knowledge . Now it seems like none of the distributors in SL were planning on screening the movie in the first place, due to it's high cost. So what's all the fuss about? There are so many pirate copies of the movie circulating in the city today - those who want to watch it will watch it anyway. Apart from appeasing a particular religious sect, what exactly does the ban accomplish?

The following article on the Telegraph site makes more sense!

Way of the world
By Craig Brown

Fifteen Things You Didn't Know About The Da Vinci Code

1) The book was originally entitled The Da Vinci Cod. It revolved around a cod with an enigmatic smile that was depicted sitting on the table at the Second Last Supper, an event ruthlessly suppressed by the Roman Catholic Church for 2,000 years.

2) The film of The Da Vinci Code has been roundly condemned by many Christian organisations. This puts it in a long line of films condemned by various pressure groups. They include Chariots of Fire (1981) condemned by the Central Office of Fire Prevention, The Sound of Music (1965), condemned by the Royal Society for the Tone-Deaf, Titanic (1997) condemned by the Iceberg Defence Committee, and Gone with the Wind (1939), condemned by the WSGBSL (Wind and Strong Gusty Breeze Supporters League). This survey strongly suggests that condemnation serves only to increase popularity.

3) Halfway through his research, author Dan Brown changed the book's title to The Da Vinci Cold. Apparently, he had unearthed ancient documents in a secret vault that proved beyond doubt that Mary Magdalene had a bad cold when she introduced herself to the Gospel writers: her real name, it transpires, was not Mary Magdalene but Mary Madeleine. Eminent cryptoloists have since discovered that the name "Dan Brown" is an anagram of "And now br…" - which strongly suggests that he, too, was experiencing a cold while typing his manuscript.

4) It is conservatively estimated that The Da Vinci Code novel has already been read by well over 10 million Britons. This amounts to more than six billion pages of The Da Vinci Code. Smear tests taken from these pages further suggests that they have absorbed more than 3,000 tons of sunblock, 2,760 tons of pure chlorine, and more than 800 million gallons of pina colada.

5) In his 10th draft, the author changed the book's name yet again, this time to The Da Vina Code. The plot now revolved around a female television presenter - Da Vina - who, back in the mists of time, was given her own chat-show by the ruthless secret society, code-named "The BBC", founded hundreds of years ago by the sinister control-freak Lord Wreath. No one ever set eyes on Da Vina's chat-show - or, if they did, they never lived to tell the tale.

6) Forty-three per cent of readers of The Da Vinci Code now sincerely believe that Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene were secretly married, and subsequently gave birth to a very long and very, very secret line of descendants. This compares well with the 29 per cent of James Bond readers who are convinced that a secret Caribbean island fortress is home to the ruthless, power-crazed Dr No, who employs a series of fiendish tortures in order to safeguard his privacy.

However, this proportion remains marginally lower than the 46 per cent of Batman viewers who believe that multi-millionaire Bruce Wayne rids Gotham City of master-criminals by donning a top-secret bat costume and switching to his alter ego, aided by his excitable young companion, Robin, the Boy Wonder.

7) Watch and listen attentively, and you will be able to spot a number of small but key errors in The Da Vinci Code.

8) For instance, the secret underground passage linking Simpson's-in-the-Strand to Madame Tussaud's and guarded by bull mastiffs is lined with red, not green, velvet.

9) And if you press the third bedknob on the left in the master bedroom of Queen Mary's Dolls House in Windsor Castle, the floor of the room in which it is housed will slide open to reveal a spiral staircase down to a nuclear bunker populated entirely by murderous albino monks, BUT the chief monk is called Simon, not Silas.

10) And some experts also argue that the Taj Mahal is in fact not situated at the far end of the Mall, the Mall is not in Paris, and Paris is not the capital of Italy. But Da Vinci Code aficionados remain convinced that this is all part of a much larger cover-up spanning the entire world, civilised and uncivilised, masterminded by the Duke of Edinburgh, in league with the Vatican and Derry and Toms.

11) In the film, French actress Audrey Tautou plays an investigator called Sophie Neveu, who turns out to be the last living descendant of Jesus Christ. Her character is in fact modelled on our own Metropolitan Police Commissioner Ian Blair, who is himself, some argue, a direct descendant of Sgt George Dixon. Dixon presided over Dock Green for many years; though he made numerous arrests, he failed to uncover the subterranean hideout of 2,000 Meringovian hit-men, situated immediately beneath the serving hatch of the village pub.

12) The Mona Lisa plays an important part in The Da Vinci Code. It turns out that if you look really hard at her left hand, you can see that she is secretly holding a Colt 45 semi-automatic shotgun, hidden beneath the folds of her cloak.

13) Next month, a major court case against author Dan Brown opens in London. He is accused of plagiarising original conspiracy stories. The joint prosecution has been brought by Mr Lee Harvey Oswald and Nessie.

14) The mystic, sage and prophet Nostradamus - himself a direct descendant of Conan the Barbarian - predicted the phenomenon of The Da Vinci Code more than 500 years ago, in this spookily prescient quatrain: Millions hungry for nonsense will swim across rivers/ And venture through fire to read the code of Davi Nci/ But later, in those days that see the release of the movie/ The same millions will find cause to sense/ A turkey.

15) The content of Dan Brown's next book is not known, but strong rumours abound that it will be an exposé of popular heroine Snow White, best known for her charitable work among dwarfs. Explosive new evidence unearthed by the author suggests that Snow White had a long-standing affair with leading dwarf Grumpy, that the affair culminated in the birth of a secret love-child, and that the love-child grew up to become the Deputy Prime Minister of Great Britain.




2 comments:

Seven Star Hand said...

Hey Pissu,

You may not initially agree with everything I reveal, but be a little patient with my long-winded presentation of what I have waited a very long time to be able to say and I promise to amaze and enlighten.

Here is the key to understanding what the Vatican and Papacy truly fear...

Pay close attention, profundity knocks at the door, listen for the key. Be Aware! Scoffing causes blindness...

Here's a real hot potato! Eat it up, digest it, and then feed it's bones to the hungry...

There's much more to the story of the Vatican's recent machinations than meets the eye. It's not the DaVinci Code or Gospel of Judas per se, but the fact that people have now been motivated to seek out the unequivocal truth about an age of deception, exactly when they expect me to appear. These recent controversies are spurring people to reevaluate the Vatican/Papacy and the religions that Rome spawned, at the worst possible time for them.

Remember, "I come as a thief..." ?

The DaVinci Code novel and movie are no more inaccurate as literal versions of history than the New Testament. The primary sub-plot involved purposeful symbology being used to encode hidden meanings, exactly like the Bible and related texts. In other words, none of these stories represent the literal truth. This is the common and pivotal fact of all such narratives about ancient Hebrew and Christian history. Debating whether the DaVinci Code, Gnostic texts, or the Bible are accurate history is a purposeful ploy designed to hide the truth by directing your inquiry away from the heart of the matter.

There is a foolproof way to verify the truth and expose centuries-old religious deceptions. It also proves why we can no longer let the Vatican tell us what to think about ancient history or much else. It is the common thread connecting why the ancient Hebrews, Yahad/Essene, Jews, Gnostics, Cathars, Templars, Dead Sea Scrolls, DaVinci Code, and others have been targets of Rome’s ire and evil machinations. The Vatican and its secret society cohorts don’t want you to understand that the ancient Hebrew symbology in all of these texts purposely encodes and exposes the truth about them. Furthermore, the structure of ancient wisdom symbology verifiably encodes the rules to decode messages built with it. This is what they most fear you will discover.

If the Bible represented the literal truth or even accurate history, there would be no need for faith in the assertions of deceptive and duplicitous clergy and their ilk. It is undeniable the New Testament is awash with ancient Hebrew symbolism and allegory. The same is evidenced in the Old Testament, Dead Sea Scrolls, Gnostic texts, biblical apocrypha, Quran, DaVinci Code, and other related sources. All ancient religious, mystical, and wisdom texts have been shrouded in mystery for millennia for one primary reason: The ability to understand their widely evidenced symbology was lost in antiquity. How do we finally solve these ages-old mysteries? To recast an often-used political adage: It’s [the] symbology, stupid!

It is beyond amazing that the Vatican still tries to insist the Gospels are the literal truth. Every miracle purported for Jesus has multiple direct symbolic parallels in the Old Testament, Apocalypse, Dead Sea Scrolls, and other symbolic narratives and traditions. Recasting the symbolism of earlier Hebrew texts as literal events in the New Testament is one of the central deceptions associated with Christianity. This is part of the secret knowledge held by the ancient Gnostics, Templars, Cathars, and others, which is presented with dramatic effect in the DaVinci Code. None of these narratives or stories were ever intended as the literal truth. This fact is the key to unraveling many ages-old mysteries and exposing the truth about the Vatican's long-term deceptions.

Moreover, the following Washington Post article (The Book of Bart) describes how many changes and embellishments were made to New Testament texts over the centuries, unequivocally demonstrating they are not original, infallible, or truthful. When you combine proof that the New Testament Gospels are not wholly literal with proof that these texts were heavily reworked in the early years of Christianity, you are left with only one possible conclusion. The Vatican has long lied to everyone about the central tenets and history of Christianity. This revelation also proves they are not the Creator’s representatives but Her longtime opponents. The recent hoopla over the Gospel of Judas and DaVinci Code demonstrates they are still desperately trying to deceive the world and obfuscate their true nature and activities.

It's no wonder the Vatican fears the truth more than anything else. As further proof of these assertions, seek to understand the symbolic significance of my name (Seven Star Hand) and you will have proof beyond disproof that Jews, Christians, and Muslims have long been duped by the great deceivers I warned humanity about over the millennia. What then is the purpose of "faith" but to keep good people from seeking to understand the truth?

Now comes justice, hot on its heels... (symbolism...)

Not only do I talk the talk, I walk the walk...
Here is Wisdom!!

Revelations from the Apocalypse

Voice in Colombo said...

Last week I came across with a nice cover story on Newsweek on Da Vinci Code. It reveals most myths and truths relating to the work of Dan Brown.

Newsweek Cover

Voiceincolombo